


None of us is leading quite the life we were at all prepared for.

by MiserableLie95



Category: Morrissey (Musician), The Smiths
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Johnny Marr (mentioned), One Shot, Sad, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-28 23:55:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10842114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiserableLie95/pseuds/MiserableLie95
Summary: Morrissey attempts to find solace in another. 1987.





	None of us is leading quite the life we were at all prepared for.

Morrissey looked tearful when I stood to walk him to the door and say goodnight. I didn't have to ask why. He couldn’t catch a break. He had finished recording for the latest Smiths LP and then Johnny had taken off, citing a need for a break from the group- more likely, the singer of the group, and the newspapers were full of breakup rumors. He hadn’t talked to Johnny in two weeks, no matter how many times I insisted he called up his guitarist himself. Things were looking grim for them. He said it helped him to be around me during all of this, to just sit and talk for hours like old times- discussing everything except Johnny, of course. 

I reached up and put my arms around him, holding him close to me because he seemed so hesitant to leave and go back to his house by himself. He tucked his head against my shoulder and leaned against me, not saying anything. His arms were around my waist and he made no move to step away. 

“You’re going to be fine," I assured him quietly. I felt him shaking his head. “Oh, you will be. No matter what could happen, you’ll survive. You have it in you." 

Morrissey sighed and turned his face towards my neck. He squeezed his arms around me a little tighter and moved closer to me. I felt his warm breath against my skin, the feeling of him shaking his head again. His lips touched the hollow under my ear and I froze, but he didn’t seem to mind. His long fingers moved to grip my hips and he kissed me again- open mouthed, sighing quietly against my skin- a surrender. His nose brushed along my jawline and he inhaled deeply as he left kisses along my neck, moving slowly and with purpose. I felt my legs wobbling slightly as his tongue trailed after another kiss. 

“Morrissey…” I said weakly. 

He groaned softly in response, pulling my hips against his. I remembered him liking it when he heard his name spoken, but it had been years since we slept together. I moved my hands along his back and looked at the door behind him. It wasn’t about me. I knew that. 

“Really," I sighed, as he started kissing the other side of my neck. He would be leaving hickies, his hands traveling underneath the bottom of my shirt to touch my hips and back. “You don’t want this right now," I insisted lamely, biting my lip as his mouth worked along my jawline. I didn’t know why I was even thinking about resisting him. He was what I wanted for a long time, it just wasn’t the timing I had expected. 

“You have no idea what it is I want," Morrissey replied in a hard tone. 

But I did. It was Johnny. His fingertips moved across my waist and ran along my sides. He pulled himself away from kissing my neck and put his face close to mine, finally meeting my eyes. They were much darker than usual, but I didn’t want to ask. He kissed me on the cheek softly and leaned his forehead against mine. 

“I really do need you tonight," he said quietly. 

It was a selfish thing to say and we both knew it wasn’t true in the manner he was insinuating, but I was weak. We had stopped sleeping together after things had picked up with The Smiths, and it turned into something that happened once or twice in a drunken night over the last five years. I still wanted him sometimes. I thought about it for only a moment longer and then nodded my head, closing my eyes. He kissed the corner of my mouth shyly. I put my hand on the side of his face and kissed him on the lips. 

“Let’s go to your room," he breathed after a moment. 

He kissed me slowly and leaned against me for a moment longer then took a step back, dropping his arms from around me. I followed him into my bedroom, watched him turn on my bedside light. He sat on the edge of the bed and looked at me as I walked around my room, a place he knew well himself, and I put away laundry I had left on my desk, giving him time to make up his mind in case he changed it again. 

“Do you want me to put on a record?” I asked. 

“No,” Morrissey shook his head, as close to smiling as he’d been all day. “Just you."

 

I went over to him and put my hands on his shoulders. He looked up at me in such a genuinely earnest, naive way that my heart felt heavy for him. I could already tell he was going to try hard. He desperately wanted to please someone, to be in good graces for a turn. I was selfish enough to be that person, even when I wasn’t as involved as I used to be. I stepped in between his legs and kissed the top of his head, running my fingers through the now-famous quiff, brushing my thumbs against the short buzzed hair on the side of his head. I gripped the lapels of his overcoat and eased it off his shoulders, then draped it over my desk chair. 

“Are you sure about the record?” I asked. 

He almost smiled again. “Yes, I’m sure. Don’t look nervous, I won't fall apart." 

“I won’t hold you to that, but let’s take your mind off of it," I said, getting onto the bed with him. He licked his lips as I got closer to him.

“I was hoping you would," he murmured. 

We moved together on top of the bed, him pulling me on top. He put his hands under my shirt, spreading his fingers across my back. We kissed slowly, hungry for more, reacquainting our bodies. He breathed out in a desperate way when I started to unbutton his shirt, kissing along his neck and chest. Morrissey pulled at my t-shirt and fumbled around, touching my breasts while I kissed him.

It had been so long since the last time we were together like this, I could hardly recognize the demanding, unrestricted man underneath me. I was sure the last person he had been with was Johnny. It might’ve been a conscious decision for him to be with a woman- and a very familiar woman after that. 

Once I had his shirt off I moved my hands along his scrawny chest, which had remained the same, fingering light bruises on his ribs and scratches across his biceps, and I was unsure how they had gotten there. He caught me looking and did not change his expression as he explained, “I tried to escape the very eager grasps of a group of fans earlier this week who spotted me on the street. One of the only times I’ve been outside during the daytime for the last two weeks and that’s what I get for it”. 

“Did it hurt?” I asked worriedly, bending down and kissing along his collarbone. 

“No,” he answered sharply. “I wish it did." 

I frowned into the next kiss. I wasn’t doing a good enough job distracting him. “You need to stop thinking about it," I said. 

I kissed his neck, focusing all of my attention on making him moan. I thought he wouldn’t like it if I left hickies anywhere visible on him, so I did everything but- moving my lips over his throat, his neck, his jawline, his ears. He gasped very prettily at my teeth against his skin, and I felt his hands grip my waist more tightly, pulling me against him again. 

“Come here," Morrissey growled. He pressed me down against my bed and got on top of me, pulling up my t-shirt. “Take off your shirt," he ordered, leaning down to kiss my hips. 

He held onto me tightly; kissing and licked my stomach and my hips, moving across my waist, making me shiver. The slight stubble on his cheeks rubbed against my skin, and I enjoyed the unfamiliar feeling of his face against me like that. I unclasped my bra and dropped it on the ground next to my bed with my shirt. I was wet from the way he was kissing my body, his stubble rubbing against me, biting my lip while I impatiently waited for him to come up and kiss me again. He remained fixated on making me squirm underneath him. I moaned as he tugged down the top of my jeans and kissed even lower between my hips. He groaned with my skin muffling his noises in response, as he kissed me again in the same manner. 

“Oh god, Morrissey. It’s been ages since someone has kissed me so sweetly like that,” I said when he looked up at me for approval. 

He licked his lips and put his fingers underneath the waistband of my jeans, raising his eyebrows. “Would you like me to continue?” He asked, trailing off. His face was flushed red from the praise I has given him and from arousal, I couldn’t miss the bulge in his jeans. He fingered the button of my jeans and waited for permission. 

“What-you’d like to?” I asked. “Most of the men I've been with never offered oral sex unless they absolutely had to," I laughed. 

“Allow me to set a new precedent," Morrissey rolled his eyes in response, taking initiative and unbuttoning my jeans. 

“Please, go right ahead”, I laughed, as he took off my pants. “Are you keeping yours on?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

Morrissey dropped my jeans on the floor and shrugged, laying on his side next to me. “Does it bother you?” Morrissey drawled, pressing his lips against mine. 

I kissed him back, trailing my hand along his body until I got to his waist. I moved my fingers lower, being slow on purpose- feeling Morrissey tensing up with anticipation. “Doesn’t it bother you?” I asked him lightly, finally gripping his cock through his jeans. 

Morrissey gasped into my mouth at the feeling of my hands on him, and thrusted against my hand, sucking on my bottom lip. I knew he wanted me to feel that he was turned on. “Ah, I’ve learned to have a bit of patience”, Morrissey said breathlessly. He looked down at my hand and licked his lips. 

I smiled, squeezing the head of his penis lightly and rubbing my thumb along it, which elicited a low groan from Morrissey. He gripped my wrist warningly, to my surprise. “You should let me take care of you first”, Morrissey told me in a firm tone.

I was impressed and amused by his willpower. He used to melt after even the most gentle brushes against him if he was turned on. “At least take off the jeans. I like knowing that you’re turned on too”. 

Morrissey blushed, running his fingers through his hair. “Of course I’m turned on, you’re gorgeous and you want me to touch you," he said shyly.

“You can’t say you’re surprised," I laughed, kissing him on the cheek.

He rolled his eyes and complied with my wishes anyway, getting up from the bed off his jeans. His erection was very apparent in boxer shorts, and he ran his hand along his length as he was taking off his pants. It turned me on immensely to watch him touch himself, and I was impatient to touch him myself. 

When he got back onto the bed I pulled him towards me and started kissing him again, the two of us rolling around on the bed together in our underwear. I had my tongue in his mouth and my hands searched along his back, bringing him closer. He held onto my hips and ground himself against me, pressing his erection against my vagina. I moaned at his hardness, moving my hips with his. Morrissey groaned, burying his face in my neck. I could hear him gasping quietly as he thrusted against me, trying to please me, but keep some level of control. I arched my back and moaned again when Morrissey reached between our bodies to take his cock into his hand and rub it along my vagina slowly. 

“Do you like this?” he asked huskily. His blue eyes bored into mine seriously. 

I moaned, “Yes”, and kissed his shoulder. I was turned on enough for him to be able to feel it through my underwear, and he accentuated it, repeating the action and then pressing the head of his cock against my clit. “My, you have learned a lot…” I said breathlessly. 

Morrissey laughed and kissed me on the lips. “I want you to feel good”, he said softly, ducking his head to kiss my neck.

“Oh Christ, you’re doing a great job," I told him, gasping. He rocked his hips against mine, still stimulating both of us without penetration. I reached down further and stroked him through his boxers, making him moan into my ear. He thrusted against me hard and both of us gasped, laughing. 

“I don’t know how you can stand it," I whispered. 

“Oh yes, it’s quite hard," he replied, pressing against my clit again. 

“Let me take care of you…I can surely wait," he insisted, meeting my eyes. His hands trailed the waistband of my underwear. 

“Are you sure you want to? You don’t have to," I reminded him.

Morrissey groaned and kissed me quickly on the lips before sitting up, moving down my body. “Just let me do something for you”, he said in an exasperated tone, kissing my hips again. I could already see a hickey forming. He rubbed my clit through my underwear while he kissed my waist. He started kissing my thighs, using tongue, slowly pulling down the waistband of my underwear. He kissed along the top of my vagina and I had one of my hands in my hair and the other reaching towards him, biting my lip. His mouth covered my clit and his tongue moved against me firmly, making me moan more loudly than I expected. Morrissey moved lower, moving his tongue against my entrance. I moaned and put my hands in his hair and he gripped my waist, raising my hips to meet his mouth, sucking and kissing my clit.

I could hardly believe this was the same Steven Morrissey I had met so many years ago. He had his arms wrapped around my thighs and held me in a surprisingly strong grasp while he got me off, encouraging me to thrust against his mouth while he was giving me head. I brushed his hair back and let him ravish me, enjoying the moans he let out along with mine. 

“Oh my god," I gasped as I started getting too close to orgasm. “Where have you been?” 

He shrugged his shoulders as I trailed my nails along his upper back, feeling the sinewy muscles underneath his pale skin. He loosened his grip and moved to touch my breasts, my breath coming in tellingly sharply as he did so. Morrissey moaned and picked up his head, placing kisses along my thighs. “Well yes, it’s been too long”, he said in an undertone. I agreed with him and watched as he kneeled in front of me. He reached into his boxer briefs stroked himself quickly, groaning in the back of his throat. He clenched his jaw as he touched himself and closed his eyes, lost for a moment.

“Morrissey, can you come here please?” I asked. 

He looked up at me like he had forgotten I was there, and followed my eyes back down to his hand in his boxers. He stopped and leaned back in and I kissed him on the lips, feeling his erection pressing against my thigh. I reached between us to touch him, feeling him at his full length and hardness, and he moaned into the kiss. I started stroking the head of his cock, impatient. He bit my lip this time, thrusting against my hand. 

“Oh, god," Morrissey gasped, breaking the kiss. He swallowed hard and looked down between our bodies to watch me touch him. I didn’t want to make him wait any longer so I was stroking his entire length, with him moaning and asking for more with every touch. 

“I want to..." he groaned, kissing me on the lips messily. 

“What do you want?” I asked, moving my hand more slowly. I wanted to hear him say the words. 

Morrissey swallowed hard again, closing his eyes. “I want to sleep with you," Morrissey said thickly.

“Yes, I would like that,” I assured him. 

He nodded his head, looking deadly serious as he kissed me again, my hands moving idly along his back as Morrissey started using his hand to prepare me for sex, breathing unevenly and being terribly gentle with me when we were both dying to get going.

“You don’t have to wait," I told him. 

With the next reassuring kiss he reached between our bodies, the head of his cock pressed against my entrance. “I’ll be good, baby, I’ll be good," he assured me in a low voice. I didn’t think he’d ever said that particular term of endearment to me before, but I didn’t have the time to think about it, as he didn’t wait any longer. 

Morrissey thrusted inside of me slowly, savoring the moment, holding my eyes carefully. His mouth opened with pleasure when our hipbones touched, a quiet whimper escaping him. I kept kissing him as he started to fuck me but had to stop shortly after, allowing my head fall back against the pillow and letting pleasure take over. Morrissey watched me while he was thrusting, raising himself up to go deeper, keeping good pace. He made less noise than I expected this time, gasping more than anything, perhaps limiting himself for a reason. I knew he was trying hard, so I moaned a lot more than usual, already wanting to just because it was him and he was so beautiful. I touched him everywhere, kissed anywhere I could reach, then ran my hands along his chest and stomach, settling on his hips to help thrust with him. 

He moaned when I started thrusting too, biting his lip again. I could hear him starting to breathe harder, getting worn out, undoubtedly emotionally exhausted. I pulled him closer to me and he buried his face in my neck, groaning in the back of his throat while I started getting closer to orgasm. 

“Oh my god," I moaned, kissing his hair. I changed position slightly to accommodate our closeness, wrapping my legs around his waist, pulling him in. He started thrusting deeper and more slowly, his breath catching in his throat. He kept going with the slightly new position, changing up his technique and grinding himself against me at times- stimulating my clit. I put my arms around his neck and got to hear Morrissey groan, “Oh, that feels so fucking good." 

I was feeling the beginnings of an orgasm after about two minutes of him fucking me in this new position, and was able to control his thrusts with my legs around him. I got him to go faster and grind himself against me more, putting me closer to the edge. 

“I’m going to cum, Morrissey…Oh. God. Just like that, please," I moaned, gripping him tightly. He moaned in response and raised his head to watch, grinning and kissing me all over. 

“You look so good like this," Morrissey murmured in my ear, kissing me on the cheek. I gasped, feeling myself starting to tighten up around him.

“Oh, my," Morrissey murmured, feeling me tense up underneath him. He started thrusting faster, building up my orgasm further. The feeling of him littering kisses all over me and speeding up his thrusting, holding me so tightly to him and really wanting to please me nearly put tears in my eyes.

I wrapped my arms around him and let myself go as I started to cum, moaning a lot and saying his name over and over, which turned him on even more. He didn’t give me any time to catch my breath. He actually felt harder, if possible, during the aftershocks. He moved slowly as my legs stopped shaking, smiling slightly and watching me closely. I must’ve lasted only five or six minutes since we started having sex, and he didn’t look like he was going to last much longer. 

His famous quiff was slightly deflated, falling into his eyes as he worked up his own orgasm. When he bent down to kiss my neck I ran my fingers through his hair and put the quiff back in place, kissing the side of his head, brushing my hand along his face. He sighed deeply and kept his face hidden from me, continuing the slow pace of thrusting. I rubbed his back and we both caught our breath, him still looking away from me carefully. I thought he was a bit emotional, unsure what triggered it. His blue eyes were softer when he started up again, looking down between our bodies. 

“Darling, is it okay with you if I finish up? I can’t hold it off much longer," he admitted wearily. 

“I don’t want you to wait, honey. Do you want to change positions?” 

He shook his head, kissing me on the lips gently. “This is good," he said softly. It took about a minute for him to get worked up and let himself go, groaning a lot and gasping. “I’m close," he moaned, speeding up and breathing harder, putting his face close to mine. 

“Oh, please cum for me," I gasped, loving seeing him like this and kissing him on the lips. 

He kissed back hard and moaned, his body starting to shake on top of me. “Oh, I’m going to cum. Ah- ah I’m going to cum,” he said quickly, fucking me harder for a moment longer before he started to climax. “Ohhh. Ohhh yes," Morrissey groaned, dropping his head slightly. He was trembling, still thrusting through his climax. I could hear him whimpering as he finished off, unable to stop from moaning more. Morrissey was panting as he lowered himself against me, burying his face in my neck, trying to catch his breath. 

I’d never heard him like that before. He never came so hard the other times we were together. I figured it must’ve been a long time since he got off, and kissed the side of his head, wrapping my arms around him. I was content to just hold him for the rest of the night, rub his back, tell him everything was going to be fine.


End file.
